I lost my best friend today. He is my world. He has my heart. He is my soul-mate. He is my everything, and now he is gone. I cannot begin to describe the feelings I have felt today. I cannot think straight. I cannot see straight. But I do know my heart is shattered into a million pieces. I have hit a brick wall, going 120.
I am in disbelief that this has happened. I keep thinking I can wake up tomorrow, and be able to talk to him again. I keep wanting to pick up the phone, and talk to him, just to hear his voice for a couple of seconds. The reality is, I cannot. It still feels so dreamlike, yet my mind keeps telling me, it's not a dream. In fact, it's my worst nightmare, but still my life, none the less.
Although I am completely distraught, I take some comfort in knowing, Pat is healed. Although, it may not be the healing I was hoping for, he is healed none the less. He is in Heaven, with Jesus, and our Heavenly Father, and he is at peace. He is no longer in pain, no longer suffering, he can finally rest. He is in complete bliss. And I am so thankful for that.
I also take comfort in the fact that I know God is bigger than me. I know God has a bigger plan, and although I cannot fathom what that bigger plan is right now, I know that is because I am human and God is, well He's God. The reason that I have faith that He has a plan, and there is a bigger picture, is because of what I experienced in Oklahoma. When Pat fell into a coma, it was one of the lowest points of my life. I now have a 'new' low point, but that is at the top. I kept asking, "Why?! What good could possibly come from this?! I know you have a plan God, but what could it be at this point?!" Now looking back, I can see what it was. First of all, ultimately he came out of that coma. In doing so, it was a miracle! It strengthened my relationship with the Lord, and Pat's tenfold. There were so many people praying for him, and our family. It ended up bringing so many people, many of whom we didn't even know, closer to the Lord. I also believe it brought people to Christ, that may not have known him before. There were people praying for us, that I'm sure hadn't prayed in years, that were now growing in their relationship with Him. Second of all, it brought Pat and I closer together. We realized what we had, and realized all the little things, no longer mattered. We had a new found appreciation for each other, and got to experience the 'newlywed stage', all over again. The love we had for each other multiplied over and over again. It also put all of our other relationships with friends and family on a higher pedestal. We valued all of those relationships so much more. It spread to our friends and family as well. They all had a new found love and appreciation for each other as well. But even more than the people we knew directly, it also helped people we didn't even know. These people were also affected, and started to look at their relationships in their lives. I know it sounds so cliche, but really life is too short to 'sweat the small stuff.' You always think these kinds of things happen to other people. The reality is, if it happened to me, it can happen to you. And you never know when, and you can never prepare yourself for it. When I was going through, what I went through in Oklahoma, I couldn't see what the bigger picture was, but in hindsight, I now know why it happened. And for that I am grateful. So knowing that, it gives me so much hope, that although right now I don't understand what it is, I know there is a bigger picture that I just can't see, but I know God is in control, and He knows what that bigger picture is.
So please, tell those you love, that you love them, tell them often, and overuse the word. Kiss them goodnight every night. Never go to bed angry, you never know if tomorrow will come. After you are done reading this post, I hope you go tell someone, anyone, that you love them.
I know one day soon, I will meet him again. He will be there with Jesus, welcoming me to Heaven, with his gorgeous smile. It's not goodbye, it's, I'll see you soon. That doesn't stop my heart from aching for him, or my body from longing to be held by him again.....
Patrick Joseph Nave: June 4, 1978- February 14, 2011.....You will never be forgotten, and will always be loved. I promise, my sweet, sweet Valentine...
I am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteTo my dearest family, some things I'd like to say...
ReplyDeletebut first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.
Here, there's no more tears of sadness; here is just eternal love.
Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.
Remember that I'm with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you."
It's good to have you back again; you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.
I need you here badly; you're part of my plan.
There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man."
God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do.
And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night, the day's chores put to flight.
God and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night.
When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years
because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.
I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.
But if I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.
But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is o'er.
I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.
There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;
but together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too...
that as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.
If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain,
then you can say to God at night......"My day was not in vain."
And now I am contented....that my life has been worthwhile,
knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.
So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low,
just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.
When you're walking down the street, and you've got me on your mind;
I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.
And when it's time for you to go.... from that body to be free,
remember you're not going.....you're coming here to me.
~Author~
Ruth Ann Mahaffey
I love this Poem and find comfort from it when others close have passed!! Love you Jen!
ReplyDeleteJen,
ReplyDeleteI cannot imagine what you are going through. Y'all have been in our thoughts and prayers. Just know that Pat did not go alone. We lost Baby D yesterday as well, and I know he/she is up there with Pat keeping him company. All our love from Texas.
Heather & Kenny
Im so sorry for your loss
ReplyDeleteJen,
ReplyDeleteI am so very sorry! Your family has been in my heart, thoughts and prayers. I'm hoping that you will feel the love of the Lord wrap you in His arms. All my sympathy~ Ginger