I lost my best friend today. He is my world. He has my heart. He is my soul-mate. He is my everything, and now he is gone. I cannot begin to describe the feelings I have felt today. I cannot think straight. I cannot see straight. But I do know my heart is shattered into a million pieces. I have hit a brick wall, going 120.
I am in disbelief that this has happened. I keep thinking I can wake up tomorrow, and be able to talk to him again. I keep wanting to pick up the phone, and talk to him, just to hear his voice for a couple of seconds. The reality is, I cannot. It still feels so dreamlike, yet my mind keeps telling me, it's not a dream. In fact, it's my worst nightmare, but still my life, none the less.
Although I am completely distraught, I take some comfort in knowing, Pat is healed. Although, it may not be the healing I was hoping for, he is healed none the less. He is in Heaven, with Jesus, and our Heavenly Father, and he is at peace. He is no longer in pain, no longer suffering, he can finally rest. He is in complete bliss. And I am so thankful for that.
I also take comfort in the fact that I know God is bigger than me. I know God has a bigger plan, and although I cannot fathom what that bigger plan is right now, I know that is because I am human and God is, well He's God. The reason that I have faith that He has a plan, and there is a bigger picture, is because of what I experienced in Oklahoma. When Pat fell into a coma, it was one of the lowest points of my life. I now have a 'new' low point, but that is at the top. I kept asking, "Why?! What good could possibly come from this?! I know you have a plan God, but what could it be at this point?!" Now looking back, I can see what it was. First of all, ultimately he came out of that coma. In doing so, it was a miracle! It strengthened my relationship with the Lord, and Pat's tenfold. There were so many people praying for him, and our family. It ended up bringing so many people, many of whom we didn't even know, closer to the Lord. I also believe it brought people to Christ, that may not have known him before. There were people praying for us, that I'm sure hadn't prayed in years, that were now growing in their relationship with Him. Second of all, it brought Pat and I closer together. We realized what we had, and realized all the little things, no longer mattered. We had a new found appreciation for each other, and got to experience the 'newlywed stage', all over again. The love we had for each other multiplied over and over again. It also put all of our other relationships with friends and family on a higher pedestal. We valued all of those relationships so much more. It spread to our friends and family as well. They all had a new found love and appreciation for each other as well. But even more than the people we knew directly, it also helped people we didn't even know. These people were also affected, and started to look at their relationships in their lives. I know it sounds so cliche, but really life is too short to 'sweat the small stuff.' You always think these kinds of things happen to other people. The reality is, if it happened to me, it can happen to you. And you never know when, and you can never prepare yourself for it. When I was going through, what I went through in Oklahoma, I couldn't see what the bigger picture was, but in hindsight, I now know why it happened. And for that I am grateful. So knowing that, it gives me so much hope, that although right now I don't understand what it is, I know there is a bigger picture that I just can't see, but I know God is in control, and He knows what that bigger picture is.
So please, tell those you love, that you love them, tell them often, and overuse the word. Kiss them goodnight every night. Never go to bed angry, you never know if tomorrow will come. After you are done reading this post, I hope you go tell someone, anyone, that you love them.
I know one day soon, I will meet him again. He will be there with Jesus, welcoming me to Heaven, with his gorgeous smile. It's not goodbye, it's, I'll see you soon. That doesn't stop my heart from aching for him, or my body from longing to be held by him again.....
Patrick Joseph Nave: June 4, 1978- February 14, 2011.....You will never be forgotten, and will always be loved. I promise, my sweet, sweet Valentine...
