The walk went great! We had close to 200 people come out and show their support, and in the end raised a little over $3400! It was such a great feeling to be a part of something so much bigger than me, and my situation. I haven't talked to the coordinator in Boise, since a few days after the walk. The last time I did talk to her, we discussed where we "placed", in regards to all the other teams. She still had some figuring to do, but she said we would probably come in 4th or 5th overall, and 2nd or 3rd among the 'friends and family' teams! How awesome for our first year! The thing that was most impressive to me, is ALL of the donations we collected were from individuals. They were all private donations, with the exception of $150 that was donated by the Pita Pit (from a fundraiser we did there). To me, that's pretty amazing! It's unfortunate that there weren't more businesses to step up and show their support, but to think we raised that much money, without the support of any businesses stepping up to make a sizable contribution, really does show what we can do as a community when we pull together. I am excited to see what the future brings. I have had several ideas bouncing around the past couple months, and I am just not quite sure where I want to take this all. I do know that I don't just want to sit back and do nothing. I want to help. I am just not sure which route I want to take to do that. I am trusting in God to lead me in the right direction.
Organizing this event, really did keep me busy for several weeks. It was good for my mind, and in some ways, I think it did help the grieving process. It made me feel like I was doing something for a greater good, and making my husband proud. I wish I could say that I am doing just great now, but I am not. For a while there, I thought I really was. I think just being busy with everything, took my mind off of being sad. Now that it all has simmered down, reality sets back in. Now it's back to everyday life, where it's just me and my boys. I hate the loneliness that comes along with that. I know that everybody has their own lives to tend to, but I just hate that mine has been turned upside down.
As everybody else is gearing up for the holidays, my mind just spins. Everybody else gets to be excited to spend time with family, but MY family has been demolished. How do you celebrate devastation? Don't get me wrong, I am THANKFUL that I have two wonderful boys to spend the holidays with, but I can't help but feel bittersweet about it. I am missing a huge chunk of my family this year, and it will be so hard. I can't help but feel sadness to think of all the stuff he is missing out on. I do understand that he is not really missing out on anything. He is in the presence of God. Perfection. Ultimate Joy. Peace. Ultimate love. I get it. I get it, but it doesn't make it any easier to process. I am human. I am human with a finite grasp of what the world is, and I only get a glimpse of the bigger picture. Since I am human, and feel human emotions, it is only natural to think he is missing out on life. I guess though when I think about it, it's US who are missing out. WE are missing out on him being here. I don't know think that pill is any easier to swallow.
As Thanksgiving nears, I have noticed a handful of people posting daily about what they are thankful for. It has really made me take a step back and evaluate what I AM thankful for. After living through such a catastrophic event, I realized I still have things to be thankful for.
- I am thankful for Jesus, for paying the ultimate price for my sins. He died on the cross to save MY life. I cannot think of one thing that I could be MORE thankful of.
- I am thankful I have healthy, happy children, who I love more than the world.
- I am thankful for a wonderful supportive family. I am also thankful they are all relatively healthy, and happy.
- I am thankful for friends, new and old. Some, unfortunately, have gone through similar situations, but they do give me encouragement, and hope, that life does go on (even if that is another dagger to the heart sometimes). Many, thankfully, have not had to experience this hell, and may not understand me most of the time, but I do know they mean well, and for that I am thankful.
- I am thankful that I am healthy. As easy as it seems sometimes to just want to leave this life, I realize I am all my kids have, and they need me.
- I am thankful I have a roof over my head every night. I am thankful I have a warm bed to sleep in every night, and that my children enjoy the same luxury.
- I am thankful I have food in my belly every day.
- I am thankful that I have found a job that allows me to stay at home with my children. I am thankful that I get to enjoy every minute of them growing up, because it happens way too fast.
- I am thankful there are people out there willing to fight for our country's safety everyday.
- I am thankful that YOU cared enough to take 5 minutes out of your day to read this post
- I am thankful that I was blessed enough to meet the love of my life. I am thankful for the time I got to spend with him, and it has made me who I am today.
- I am thankful I got to experience true love. There are so many people who go their whole lives not knowing that love.
- I am thankful that my husband is no longer in pain. As much as I miss him, and selfishly want him back, I know he is in perfect health now. His bones no longer ache. His body no longer aches. He no longer has terrible headaches. He is pain free, and that's what I prayed for all along. I just imagined the end result as being much different, but I am still thankful.
I am sure I could come up with a list of a million things I am thankful for, but these are the ones that are really on my heart tonight. I hope that each and every one of you can take a moment to reflect, and count your blessings. Be thankful for the things in your life that mean something.
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