tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86330570326599137532012-02-16T18:33:06.566-08:00Patrick Joseph Nave June 4, 1978 - February 14, 2011. Always Loved, Never Forgotten. Rest In Peace, My Love.Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.comBlogger371100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-74721404896679213582011-12-06T23:58:00.000-08:002011-12-07T16:11:08.164-08:00

I don't even know where to start tonight, other than I want to scream.  I want to get on the roof of my house, and just scream.  And then scream some more.  I actually contemplated doing this, but one, my kids are sleeping, and two, I'm sure the neighbors wouldn't appreciate it.  Everyone already thinks I am crazy, I'm sure, so I probably shouldn't give them more fuel to add to the fire.  So

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-55814591849162224152011-11-10T23:14:00.000-08:002011-11-10T23:43:18.309-08:00

I have really not been good about keeping up with my blog the past few months.  I apologize.  Up until the the week of the walk, it was really about not having time to write.  It has now been almost a month since the walk, and I still haven't written, mostly because I have gotten out of the habit. The walk went great!  We had close to 200 people come out and show their support, and in the end

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-52586153800029789542011-09-11T14:07:00.000-07:002011-09-11T14:15:22.046-07:00

So as many of you remember, my last post had to do with a promise I made to my husband.  I promised him I would bring awareness to Leukemia, as well as the importance to becoming a bone marrow donor.  I am trying my hardest to make good on those promises. In the first few months after Pat passed away, I thought regularly about how I was going to fulfill the promise I made to my husband. 

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-24811054123841039162011-09-01T23:52:00.000-07:002011-09-11T14:12:45.413-07:00

So I have a few different things on my mind tonight.  I apologize in advance because I feel like my mind is all over the place, so chances are, so will this post.  I am also going to warn you in advance because I am going to undoubtedly make someone mad with this post. "8 weeks and craving ice cream....." I am sure you have seen similar statuses posted all over your Facebook news feed.  Some

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-4687982586713206672011-08-16T22:42:00.000-07:002011-08-16T22:54:34.499-07:00

Widow.  That word rocks me to my core.  Every time it has to come out of my mouth, I feel like I want to throw up.  Every time I have to check that box on a form, I can feel the color flee from my face, and I feel like I could faint at any given moment.  I still hate that word with a passion.  When I think of a widow, I think of someone who is old and grey.  I think of a little old lady sitting

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-35089237670195560592011-07-07T23:19:00.000-07:002011-07-16T22:34:39.808-07:00

So it's been a while since I last posted.  Actually it's been a little over three months.  There are several factors that play into why I haven't.  Firstly, I was busy moving and getting settled into our new home.  Second, I just kind of got out of the habit of blogging.  And lastly, and possibly most importantly, I had been away for so long, that I was scared to relive any of the feelings I felt

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-863496403839375122011-04-05T01:58:00.000-07:002011-04-05T02:15:57.032-07:00

Well it's another sleepless night, but I'm not in Seattle.  I am stuck in this nightmare that everyone else calls reality.  In the early days and even weeks, I didn't have too many problems sleeping.  It seems these days it eludes me on a nightly basis.  I toss and turn for hours.  My body is physically exhausted, yet I cannot seem to fall asleep.  My mind reels with all the 'what ifs' and 'whys'

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-66737981991930117872011-04-01T23:46:00.000-07:002011-04-01T23:47:02.154-07:00

I haven't posted since the night before our one year anniversary.  It was a hard day to deal with.  I went to the cemetery, with a dozen roses, to celebrate our anniversary.  Not quite what I had in mind, when I thought about this day.  A year ago, I envisioned a quiet getaway, just the two of us.  Something romantic.  Just time to spend with each other.  Even a few months ago, my perspective had

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-90376687464298725422011-03-27T02:52:00.000-07:002011-03-27T03:12:38.698-07:00

Ugh, where do I even begin tonight? I am tired, but of course sleep eludes me tonight. More tonight than any other night before. Today is our one year anniversary, and my husband isn't even here to celebrate with me. As soon as the clock hit midnight, my heart sank. Dear Pat, Happy Anniversary, my love. I miss you so much, and today is going to be a hard day. It's only 3 and a half

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-7159409342822202942011-03-24T00:59:00.000-07:002011-03-24T01:07:42.797-07:00

Today I took Kayden back to the doctor, for a re-check of his head. Immediately after arriving at the clinic, my heart sank, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. The clinic is at the same hospital where Pat passed away. In fact it is directly across the parking lot from the room he passed away in. So my thoughts were stuck on that from the second we pulled into the parking lot. Actually

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-1991196942991507362011-03-21T00:41:00.000-07:002011-03-21T00:46:13.237-07:00

I've changed the presets in my truck so those old songs don't sneak up they still find me and remind me yeah you come back that easy try restaurants I've never been to order new things off the menu that I never tried cause you didn't like two drinks in you were by my side I've talked to friends I've talked to myself I've talked to God I prayed liked hell but I still miss you I tried sober I

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-87889728958354178412011-03-18T22:55:00.000-07:002011-03-18T22:55:13.672-07:00

Wow, I am kind of speechless tonight.  I just checked the total views on the blog tonight, and it's over 10,000 now.  I never in a million years thought that many people would be reading this.  I originally started this blog, to keep people informed.  Mostly friends, and family.  I wanted to keep people updated on how Pat was doing.  Originally I was trying to do that via facebook, but with the

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-55844611193119070012011-03-16T00:19:00.000-07:002011-03-16T00:19:55.890-07:00

Well I can say I am glad the 14th is finally over with.  Forever, I will hate that number.  14.  I did go over to a friends house, and had a few good laughs.  I think it was good to keep my mind off of things, but at the same time it was still hard. I talked a little bit before about the 'new found' friendships I have encountered along the way, and they still seem to amaze me.  I've read that

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-4813464154044728002011-03-14T12:45:00.000-07:002011-03-13T23:59:39.712-07:00

Well I should probably be in bed right now, but my mind is racing, so of course sleep is eluding me once again.  Tomorrow it will be one month.  One month, since I lost the love of my life.  I hate this. I miss him more and more with each passing day, and most days, I don't know how to make it to the next.   I have done nothing today but think about it.  Well that's everyday, but today was even

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-57538117121498976932011-03-12T00:55:00.000-08:002011-03-12T00:55:22.596-08:00

Today I have just felt worn out.  Worn out physically, and worn out emotionally.  I don't feel like I can take much more of it all.  I know I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, for my boys' sake, but man it is a hard thing to do.  I just want to sleep it all away. Yesterday was a little bit of a bittersweet day.  We got some pictures taken.  I wanted to get some taken before

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-43561892699196892392011-03-10T01:06:00.000-08:002011-03-10T01:06:39.508-08:00

Well today I went to the cemetery.  It was the first time I have been there, since we buried him.  I was scared to go, but I finally got up enough courage to go today.  I bought three roses.  One from me, one from Keegan, and one from Kayden.  We also left three bite sized almond joy bars, those were his favorite.  It was hard to be there.  The last time I was there, his casket was still up in

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-53290834793118082222011-03-06T23:32:00.000-08:002011-03-06T23:32:19.670-08:00

Well today has been a hard day.  My mom, who has been staying with me, and helping me with the kids, left this morning, to go back to Arkansas, where she lives.  I know that without her here, I am going to be that much more lonely.  It's time for reality to kick in.  It's just me and my boys.  It sucks.  I feel blessed that I at least got to spend a few weeks with her.  I am not sure how I would

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-29835201066321371552011-03-02T00:42:00.000-08:002011-03-02T00:43:20.799-08:00

So I am not even sure where to begin tonight.  My mind is still in a whirlwind, and I have had so many different thoughts throughout the week, yet they all seem to vanish once my fingers hit the keyboard. Well first things first.  I know it has been a while since I last posted.  The laptop that I was using was my Mom's, and it crashed.  I wanted to get one of my own anyway, because I knew she

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-10570390201963512192011-02-23T00:48:00.000-08:002011-02-23T00:48:06.315-08:00

Today has been a weird day.  I have never felt so lost in my life.  I don't know where to turn, or where to go.  I know this road is going to be a long hard one.  I know it hasn't fully sunk in yet.  Every time I think about him being gone, I get the hugest knot in my stomach.  I hit that damn brick wall every time.  It's like my mind won't grasp around reality, so I have to keep going through

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-50685992286642069472011-02-21T23:21:00.000-08:002011-02-21T23:21:21.293-08:00

I really am at a loss for words today.  I am not sure how I ended up here, but I don't like it.  I have been pretty numb this past week.  So numb, that I feel guilty for not crying when others are.  I kept asking myself, "why am I not crying?  This isn't normal!  I loved him so, yet everyone else seems to be tore up, and here I am, just staring off into space."  I cannot focus on anything.  It

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-2122797711413741932011-02-20T22:27:00.000-08:002011-02-20T22:27:07.828-08:00

Well today was the hardest day of my life.  I know tomorrow won't be any easier, and it will only get worse from here.  I have a long, hard day ahead of me, so I can't write much.  I wanted to share a letter that I wrote for Pat.  I placed it in the casket with him, and also read it aloud at the funeral.  For those of you that weren't able to be at the service, I wanted to share it with you as

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-89204036099213951692011-02-17T01:50:00.000-08:002011-02-17T01:50:24.763-08:00

Today was a pretty heavy day.  Pat's parents and I went to the funeral home, and talked about the arrangements.   As if being in the funeral home wasn't bad enough itself, I have no idea how we are going to pay for this.  After we picked everything out, the grand total came to roughly $8,000, and that doesn't even include the burial plot.  My head is in a whirlwind right now, and I can't even

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-5272129180379497952011-02-16T01:46:00.000-08:002011-02-16T01:57:18.085-08:00

Today was an ok day.  I feel numb.  I don't know what to do.  I feel lost.  It hasn't sunk in yet.  I'm not sure when it will, but I know it's gonna hit me like a ton of bricks, when it does.  I think once the madness calms down, and everyone goes back to 'normal', and I am alone with only my thoughts....that's when it will hit me. I keep waiting for the phone to ring,  waiting to hear his

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-326685115595147022011-02-15T02:04:00.000-08:002011-02-16T01:56:14.616-08:00

I lost my best friend today.  He is my world.  He has my heart.  He is my soul-mate.  He is my everything, and now he is gone.  I cannot begin to describe the feelings I have felt today.  I cannot think straight.  I cannot see straight.  But I do know my heart is shattered into a million pieces.  I have hit a brick wall, going 120. I am in disbelief that this has happened.  I keep thinking I can

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-48144418700433362592011-02-14T01:17:00.000-08:002011-02-16T01:54:20.947-08:00

Well nothing too drastic has changed since my last post.  They have upped his pain medication a few times today.  He has a PCA pump, so he is on a continuous drip of dilaudid, but also can push the button every 15 minutes to administer a boost to himself.  His pain levels were much better today. His family and I talked to the doctors today, and came to the consensus that we will just let this

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-41544814637155267942011-02-12T23:55:00.000-08:002011-02-12T23:55:01.558-08:00

Well I cannot even seem to form words today.  My body feels completely numb.  My heart is breaking in two.  I keep thinking my body is out of tears, but no, they just keep flowing. My husband's situation has gone from bad to worse.  The infection has spread to his lungs.  It is over-taking his entire body, and they are doubtful that he will pull through this.  He is in excruciating pain, and his

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-70996005162216780882011-02-12T23:52:00.000-08:002011-02-16T01:52:43.473-08:00

It's like a storm That cuts a path It's breaks your will It feels like that You think your lost But your not lost on your own Your not alone I will stand by you I will help you through When you've done all you can do If you can't cope I will dry your eyes I will fight your fight I will hold you tight And I wont let go It hurts my heart To see you cry I know it's dark This part of life Oh it

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-70761688723452800762011-02-11T23:18:00.000-08:002011-02-16T01:52:05.959-08:00

Well as many of you already know, Pat is still in the hospital.  This morning they told us that Pat has VRE (Vancomycin Resistant Enterococcus) in his bloodstream. Here is what I have learned about VRE. Enterococcus are bacteria that live in the digestive and genital tracts. They are normally benign and don't cause any problems in healthy people. Vancomycin is a powerful antibiotic that is

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-29850309881276297542011-02-10T13:21:00.000-08:002011-02-16T01:50:30.949-08:00

"Our love is unconditional, we knew it from the start. I see it in your eyes, you can feel it from my heart. From here on after let's stay the way we are right now, And share all the love and laughter That a lifetime will allow. I cross my heart and promise to Give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true. In all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine. You will

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-58703825165148584252011-02-06T21:54:00.000-08:002011-02-06T21:55:35.611-08:00

Hello Everyone! I know it has been a few days since I last posted anything new, so I figured I better give you all an update. Pat is still in the hospital for right now.  His doctor told us that he looked through the clinical trials, and didn't see any that really fit him.  Another option was to use a different formulation of chemotherapy.  They would be chemotherapy drugs he has been on before

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-38270393413244480882011-02-01T01:23:00.000-08:002011-02-04T00:52:16.721-08:00

I got so caught up in ranting and raving, and venting about the health care system, that I completely forgot to mention the most important thing that happened today! Pat was baptized Roman Catholic as a small child, and although I have been a believer for several years, I have never been baptized.  So neither of us had been baptized into the Christian faith, and both of us have wanted to do so

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-25096258882833904642011-02-01T00:04:00.000-08:002011-02-04T00:53:39.852-08:00

Well Dr. Santala came in tonight and talked with us briefly about the future, and what it may hold.  Basically he told us that the phase I trials we were putting all our faith in, may not be the way to go. Let me break down what I have learned about Phase I and Phase II trials.  Phase I trials are designed to test doses of an unknown drug.  For example...Doctors are testing Drug X.  In a Phase I

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-39134436478837840932011-01-31T10:31:00.000-08:002011-02-04T00:54:46.042-08:00

Well last night I took Pat in to the hospital to be admitted.  He has been running a fairly high temperature the last few days, and it hasn't gone away.  With his white count being almost non-existent, it is very scary when he gets some sort of an infection in his body. We were supposed to have an appointment with his doctor this morning to discuss his opinion.  We wanted to talk to him about

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-48204894631187732592011-01-26T19:23:00.000-08:002011-02-04T00:55:17.007-08:00

Hello again :)  Just wanted to let everyone know we are having a dinner this Saturday (January 29) at the Western Empire Emporium from 5pm until whenever.  I'm sure we will be there for at least a few hours, so feel free to pop in at any time.  It will be a very informal dinner.  If you would like to buy dinner feel free, but don't feel obligated to, if you would like to just come and visit with

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-65151077031694183542011-01-26T00:56:00.000-08:002011-02-04T00:56:03.602-08:00

Hello Everyone! Just wanted to let you all know we have arrived in Billings MT!  My Dad's girlfriend's Son, Jason, was able to get us some buddy passes to fly back home.  We got in around 12:30 last night (monday).  Whew, what a day!  I was up packing and getting stuff ready to go on sunday night, and went to bed around 1 in the morning.  Then we were back up at about 4:30 am, and left the house

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-9870904163462104402011-01-23T15:32:00.000-08:002011-02-04T00:57:10.209-08:00

Hello everyone! Well, we are have a trip planned to come back home.  We are set to leave tomorrow.  My dad and his girlfriend were able to get us some buddy passes, the only downfall is that they are 'standby' tickets.  So, we are driving to Dallas tomorrow morning, and hopefully we will be able to get on the first plane that leaves at 1:40 pm.  The problem with flying standby, for those of you

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8633057032659913753.post-84151747344387123102011-01-22T13:13:00.000-08:002011-02-04T00:51:10.925-08:00

Hi Everyone!  Thanks for stopping by!  Just to let all you Montana folks know...we are planning a trip to Billings.  Pat would like to see his friends and family before we head out on this next journey. Hopefully we will be able to come next week, it's just going to depend on if we can get enough finances together etc.  We hope to see many of you!  I am still learning about all of this blog stuff

Jen Navehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13750483743332141440noreply@blogger.com1